I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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