Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
