New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
May the power of my ass compel you!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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