You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
