Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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