I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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