Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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