dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
