suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize