I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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