I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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