I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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