Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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