no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
