OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
