wrigley field is MILF paradise
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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