Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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