why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
