I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
