he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we made out on top of his cat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
