And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
