I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
