Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
