The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
