now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
