I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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