That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
