You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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