Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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