just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
