Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
