He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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