It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
