i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
