I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
