so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
