i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Dicks are not precious.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
