New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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