My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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