dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
