I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
