Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
