He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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