we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
