I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
