I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
