why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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