My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
