i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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