I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
