It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
