so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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