He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
