Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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