i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
