SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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