I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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