I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
