my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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