I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
