if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
