As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
