my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize