We're facebook friends in real life
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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