My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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