she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
