Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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