So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I didn't notice because vodka
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
