I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
