You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
