Sry I called you an 8
If that was your dad, he is hot
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
