i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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