Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
