if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
