You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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