I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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