apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
