do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize