yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
